he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Randomize
