TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
