i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Randomize
