Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
