I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
