she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
