If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
