They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
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