So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
