I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
You can't just leave with hair like that
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
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