Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
