This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Randomize
