I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
