If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
