I'm drive I can fine osifer
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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