Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
