she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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