Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Randomize
