Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
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