Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
love makes seman taste better
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
