It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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