it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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