I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
