i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
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