so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
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