she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
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