the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
