I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
you will always have a special place in my vag
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
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