I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Randomize
