meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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