i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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