i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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