So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
