That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Randomize
