the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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