Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
