One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
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