Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
