If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
two words...techno handjob
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
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