I understand Curling. That high.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Randomize
