I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
You ruined the universe
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
