You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
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