Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
