i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
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