At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
