I wanna bring you to show and tell
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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