I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
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