Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
