why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
