Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Randomize
