Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
