I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
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