DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Randomize
