My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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