this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Randomize
