ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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