Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I bet he comes in French.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
