3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Where are you?
In a non slutty way
i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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